I always get a little kick out of how the Universe works. For the last few months now, I’ve been getting the message to slow down, to wait- I even got sick for 3 weeks after returning from a retreat where I did some cathartic past life work. It wasn't Covid, but it was a weird, lingering cold. (BTW, Dis-Ease or illness is a physical manifestation of the emotional, and I know that every time I get sick, it’s because I’ve pushed myself too far, ignored my needs, and have ignored the gentle nudges I’ve previously received. When I get sick, it’s the Universe’s way of FORCING me to slow down and rest. Fortunately, that doesn’t happen NEARLY as often as it used to! I have gotten much better about listening to the nudges, but I’ve been traditionally a little hard-headed. -of course, the goal now is to do things with GEG-Gentleness, ease and grace).
Anyway- the message over and over has been to rest, to wait, and not try to do or decide on too much- ha! Ok, good luck with that, right? Running businesses, making things happen, keeping the household going, volunteer stuff, you know the drill. How am I supposed to not do things?
For a LONG WHILE now, I’ve been feeling like I’m on the verge of something (I know many of you feel the same for yourselves)- But every time I sat down to put ideas to paper, my thoughts would get all jumbled, I’d get overwhelmed, and nothing made sense. It was frustrating. I was stuck. But I was also feeling like it HAS to come together soon and I’ve been getting antsy for like 6 months now. The call to service has been getting louder and louder, and I’ve been feeling such a strong pull to move forward. Plus, on a human level, I like to get shit done, make it happen. I’m used to forging ahead, getting through the tough stuff. Tenacity is what has allowed me to work through trauma and do SO MUCH personal healing, and also become successfully self-employed- I think it’s an awesome trait to have.
But it’s not always about tenacity. Several years ago, I learned about Dr. David Hawkins’ Power vs. Force- I teach it to my clients now because recognizing the difference is…powerful. We all know we can’t pour from an empty cup, yet we are constantly emptying our cups without taking the time to refill them. We force things versus doing things from a place of power (it’s hard to come from power when you’re exhausted). But there’s a vibrational difference between the two and I was coming from Force when I know it’s better for me to come from Power- it’s more empowered -lol. (can you FEEL the difference between the words? POWER- FORCE, this is probably a whole separate post). Power creates synchronicity and joy; force creates a ball of suck (haha).
Anyway, This wasn’t about “doing nothing” or being lazy, it was about honoring the fact that I was just completely wiped out. And sometimes to come from a place of power, we have to pause. When I was sick, I realized that I had been going full steam ahead since we got orders to move from VA to CA in Oct ‘19. Then we got out to CA and I was determined to not fail (that tenacity again), then Covid happened and I was busier than ever with Pure Romance. And as lockdown continued, people started needing more and more healing, so distance clients also picked up (I appreciate you all so much <3). I received my Reiki Master Teacher Attunement during that time, which is a substantial energetic shift. I started doing some volunteer work when V started workups and was gone most of this year, and I just never really paused to look around, take a breath, or integrate some of the deep personal work I was doing.
So when I crashed and burned (you see why now-lol) I was like- ok. I haven’t stopped for almost two years- oops. Lol. It’s time to pause and listen so I can reset myself.
I’m finding that this exact spot is where a lot of folks are right now- exhausted, overwhelmed, and in need of a pause. If that is you, and if you’ve been following me for any amount of time, you know we’ve been talking about going within for the winter. If you haven’t started honoring that yet, I’m going to encourage you to MAKE the time to rest.
I know how hard it is to do- especially those of you who are badass business owners, moms, professionals, and literally every woman I’ve ever met (haha). We go, go, go.
So, here’s how it’s gone for me: I’ve spent the last 3 months resetting myself, going into my emotional foxhole to repair myself so I can be the lighthouse I’m meant to be. It’s looked like honoring myself when I don’t feel like doing something, allowing myself to go to bed early and sleep in late if I need to, exercising, getting my eating back on track (I’ve lost 15 pounds), saying NO and having actual boundaries, taking time off, being creative, settling into our house & getting our home in energetic flow, making time to meditate, journal, and having healing sessions for myself. In short-embracing the self-care I so need and deserve. I still worked, but I haven’t been trying to push forward in creating the next thing or killing myself to hit my goals.
I know that’s a lot- and if you’re thinking you don’t have the same luxury I do to create this space for yourself, that tells me you need to do it 1000x more (this is where that tenacity will come in handy- have the tenacity to figure out how to make this space for your health and well-being).
After I (impatiently) allowed all of that time to heal and rest, I finally just decided to surrender- hey you know what, whatever. I’m going to stop worrying about it. I’m going to stop trying to MAKE the next thing happen. I’m going to allow myself to be here, in this big pause. I know that there are times for ebb and times for flow. Like floating down the river- sometimes ya get stuck in the doldrums. So I totally surrendered- I gave up trying to make any plans, set any goals, or make anything happen. I put the whole thing on the leaf and let it float down the river (my healing and meditation clients will understand that one). I waved as it left. Lol.
And you know what happened? Like 3 days after I surrendered, the pieces started to come together. I was chatting with one of my group meditation friends and she helped me realize that I’ve been collecting all of these skills and ideas and pieces for the last several years for a bigger purpose. To me, it hasn’t looked like much- a workshop here, a class there, a new modality, a new interest, a new metaphysical topic, the next book- floating around like a speck of pollen that hasn’t made it to a flower. (a drastic visual, I know- haha).
And then, like a week ago, all of the synchronicities started popping back up. I’ve been inspired to move forward with new ideas & projects that I’d previously been struggling with. I’m actually really excited about what’s coming in 2022. I’m expanding my healing practice, rebranding Creative Zenworks, I’ll be hosting my first ever retreat, I’m collaborating with other healers and lightworkers on fun projects, and I’m working on the foundation for the Mystery School I’ll be offering.
At the end of the day, I think really none of it could come together until I became the person I need to be in order to do the things I want to do. Because I do see myself as a lighthouse. And until VERY recently (and still it crops up), I’ve been afraid to shine my light. The 3 months of rest time allowed my vibration to shift and expand. Acknowledging the importance of the ebb, the pause, and surrendering to it, allowed me to get unstuck from it (funny how that works, isn’t it?) I removed the resistance to it and in doing so, it cut the cord to the anchor.
So, if you’re feeling stuck, if this resonates with you, allow yourself the permission to honor the ebb. If you need to rest, rest. If you need to cry, cry. And if you need help, allow yourself to ask for it. You deserve it, you are worthy, and you are loved.
Namaste
Carly
P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about any of the fun projects I’m doing in 2022, send me an email to creativezenworks757@gmail.com and I’ll let you know as more info is available.
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